Mildew

You won't believe the problems I have with my cats. However, I cant seem to live without them.

After Raoul had taken off in my car, my heart was broken. Not only was my classic car gone, my cat disappeared with it. I quickly decided to get another kitten. That's where Mildew comes in.

Now, Mildew had a different character. She was quieter, gentler and in general more fluffy and loveable. So, one day I told her: "I hope you never, ever change." I failed to remember that cats, by nature, are very recalcitrant.

So, the next morning when I woke up, Mildew had grown considerably and was wearing a giant fez (Where she got it I never found out). As you can imagine, I was quite surprised!

Of course, there were problems. Cats that big are hard to feed. So after a day she already went tramping around the globe to satisfy her gigantic appetite. Several news reports showed her at various locations in the world. At one point, the Japanese even sent some giant robots after her!

This went on for several weeks, until one afternoon the mailman came to deliver a very large package for me. The package had an odd shape, I remember. And as I openend it, I discovered it contained a giant fez. In the fez I found Mildew, who had returned to her old size.

When I asked her why she came back to me, she mentioned that it was difficult to find food. Oh, and that she had failed auditions for the Tom Tom Club because she was too big.

Together again, we filed a law suit against Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth for discrimination. We won the case and since then Mildew has been happily living with me, only occasionally taking a larger form to hunt kangaroos.